The Rainy Days

It is actually a little bit embarrassing to tell this story, really. And this is probably the first time I post something very personal like this on my blog, which is very, very unusual.

But here is the thing, I want to share a few of my thoughts and feelings about what is going on with my life lately.

Where It Started

It all began in September last year when I met this guy again on social media.

This guy was my high schoolmate, well, actually, my high school lover.

We have been separated for seven years, more or less.

And now, after the social media wave took over the way people communicate, we met again on Twitter. It was all of those basic 'hi' until all that cheesy throwbacks about high school that we talked about. And I can't even remember how we ended up being so close to each other again, but yes, it's just happened. From all of those basic 'hi' to a very intense, everyday talk.

When we became closer, he already worked out of town. So I was never thinking about dating him or something. I thought it would be hard, to date someone so far away. And also, I'm not the type of person who believes in Long Distance Relationships (LDR) anyway. It's just not my thing.

But really, that's what I was thinking back then, a few months ago. I don't know when it has changed, but I started missing him when there are days we don't talk to each other. So, yes. It happens. Long short story, we are officially dating now and it has been a month.

The Hardest Part

One of my friends ever told me, "the hardest part about LDR is not about the distance nor the time, but how to maintain quality time for each other."

I was never thinking that I would be the one who go through this kind of relationship, So I never really felt bothered about it. But now, those sayings from my friend started to make sense. I could relate exactly to how it feels and how it affects my daily life.

If I could be honest, I knew from the very first day that LDR is just not for me. I'm not really good at maintaining communication with someone so far away. So, sometimes I don't know how to work things out. Well, it's not like he's in a different country, though. But in a different island, with a different timezone for about one hour faster than Jakarta.

Okay, I'm going to be honest, this is hard. Especially when I realized that we both are not that young anymore. This relationship at least must come with a sense of responsibility to each other. Because it's not like we were still in high school anymore.

Both of us are very into work. It's funny how sometimes we forget to call or text each other that it could last for a few days until one of us realize it and start the conversation. Sometimes we could laugh it out, but sometimes we don't.

I remember that we already had our first big fight over the phone because of our lack of communication. It was a week before we had our first month anniversary. Most new couples are usually very intimate and passionate the first few months of the relationship, no big fight, no big deal, at least not before your relationship turns one month.

I remember how we fight. It was in the middle of the night, we were screaming over the phone like crazy and I ended up crying. Something that you think only exists in movies. It was a working day, so I remember how sober my face looked when I went to work the next morning.

We didn't talk for almost a week.

But, I think we survived that day. I don't know how. I thank God that we finally can manage it.

Source: college-paper.tumblr.com

How Distance Helps

Well, it's not all hell to be in this kind of relationship. Somehow I think it's healthy to be in love but not really hold onto it. We finally manage to communicate more often than before, despite our bustle days. We still learn, though. Especially me. I am a workaholic type, but his work hour is even crazier than I am. So, I'm still learning to give him space.

LDR is not only about trust. Now I understand that it's also about respect, sacrifice, and most importantly, how we manage our egos.

Distance teach me how to trust him and to trust myself. When I give him space, that means I'm giving myself space too.

This journey...is not only about him or us, but also me. I learn a lot about myself. About what I want to achieve in life, about what I want in a relationship, about what I actually expect from a guy. And the happiest thing about it is he shares the same thought as me.

After all, those rainy days will come again. But as long as we put ourselves at each other's heart, with love as the main foundation above it all, I believe we can always go through it.

This is not the end of the story, though. We still got a long, long way :)