My Life Lately: Pursuing Happiness and Ambitions

Everytime I want to post something on my blog, I always think about it very carefully. I don't know if it's because I'm a perfectionist at heart or it's because I actually feel burdened to always write something inspirational. But this time, it's about something personal (again), about what happen in my life lately, what I've been struggling lately. And, it's probably not as inspirational as you expect it to be, but I'm still hoping that it might be relatable to you in some ways. So, here it is, things that I have been doing and thinking lately.

Resignation

After a year and a few months of working in a local PR agency in town, yes, I decided not to extend my contract with the company. It is probably surprising for my office-mates, bosses, and clients, but not for me. I always knew that I wanted more and deserve more. I know, at this point you must be screaming: "what are you even thinking?!" which I love it, thank you :)

Well, everyone wants more, and it's not that I'm being ungrateful with the job I have. Believe me, it also has nothing to do with passion, and bla bla bla. Working as a PR consultant is always what I wanted to be since university. Just the idea of being a public relations expert always gives me chills. But I also believe that working is not only about making money or building networks. There is so much more of it to life. I know, some people will look at this as a very diplomatic answer or very idealistic. But yes, I'm craving for a life balance. Not so many people have that kind of luxury, though. 

I know someone who is a manager who works in a big corporate bank, have a high salary, but barely get enough sleep. I also know that person, who works as a regular employee, have a great work-life balance, but only get paid with a so-so salary. Or maybe that one friend, who works as an employee without any overtime work, have a so-so salary, but still manage to save more money for travelling. Well, from those cases we can see why I said there is so much more to life, because finally it depends on what path we choose in the end.

That whole one year as a junior consultant was a wrap. It was an experience at a whole new level. I met awesome people on various fields, I have awesome networks and good relationship with my former clients, I have a very cool lady CEO at work who inspires me everyday, and also terrific partners whom I can call my friends. Of course, I know exactly that it's not enough to put this on my CV and hoping to be a senior consultant right away. I know if I ever go back to this industry I will have to start from the bottom again, but it doesn't matter.

I'm not giving up yet, maybe it's just a pause, for something even better in the future. But we don't have to be always busy for the future. I have learned that living in the moment is also important. Happiness and life balance are two things that I need the most in my life right now. You can call me an idealist, and that's very okay.

Scholarship

Being able to study abroad has always been my dream too. But since I was younger, I have this very specific country that I want to visit. Well, not only visiting but also studying, and United Kingdom has always, always been my life goal. So when I found out about a scholarship named Chevening, I knew right away that I want it so badly.

So, long short story, after my resignation I got much more time to work on the scholarship. I have tried to register last year, but since I was very busy, I couldn't even gather all the documents needed to submit it. So, yes, I couldn't meet the deadline last year, which was very disappointing. But, now here I am, trying all over again. This time, with a better preparation (I supposed).

Gathering all the documents is not that hard, actually. It is the preparation for TOEFL/ IELTS test, yes, which is insane :)

The crazy part is I don't take any preparation classes for the test. To be honest, it's because the class is very expensive and I couldn't afford that with own money. But, I'm grateful that I can afford the test itself (yes, it has fees). So, what I have been doing for the last 2 months is self-studying for the test I'm going to take before this year's end (which is very soon, OMG).

I was in a big dilemma, actually. Looking at the price, there are no big differences between TOEFL/ IELTS. It's just slightly different within the content of the test (from what I read). IELTS is more common in the UK and Australia while TOEFL is for people who want to study in the US or other American-English based countries. In our country, TOEFL is more commonly used and I actually more comfortable with American-English. But as I'm looking to the country I'm going, I finally decided to take IELTS. It's actually scary to imagine the listening and speaking part with a native British speaker, but whatever :))

Other than IELTS, there is actually something else that makes me nervous. It is a recommendation letter. I have several people in mind from my university, but I haven't approached them personally. I will have to submit two references by 2020. Well, it seems like still a very long time to go, but it's not. 

The scholarship has opened since August and will be closed on November, so there is still time - but not much. I really, really need to prepare myself in a more serious mode.

Between My Love for PR & Writing

After my resignation, I must be lying if I said I didn't feel lost, because I was. When I first started working, I was thinking that I can be both: Public Relations Specialist and Writer. Well, you might think that I still can achieve it now, but no. Not now. 

It's sad to admit that I have to give up on one of these two things for now. PR and journalism have always been my passion. It all because of my college days that I'm dreaming to become an expert in PR and a writer someday. But seriously, going after those two things is just too difficult for me right now.

I am always passionate and ambitious in what I do. But the world is just too harsh after graduation day (let's admit it together folks, it's okay). It's really hard to do what you love as a real job. People said that I'm weak because I can't stand the stress over workload at the office. They are also keep on saying that I'm such an idealist. An idealist who can't match today's world.

When I said that I need a life balance, I'm seriously mean it. Of course I already think about the impact of my resignation towards my daily life. But now as I'm going to take a path as a writer, It's not easy either.

It is not easy but I love every single minute that I spend on my laptop, crafting words by words, or doing research to complete my work. So, I decided to go as a freelancer for now. I'm struggling and starting from zero again but I love this process. It makes me passionate about my life again. It's like, finally I can breathe again.

Well, the difference is just at the money I got LOL. I was leaving my well paid job in order to breathe more fresh air and live to the fullest. Yes, I got that now. Even though the income is not the same, but I don't regret this decision. Now I have more time for myself. To love and respect myself in a more better way :)

I still want to become a PR specialist, though. It's not that I literally give up on that. Maybe the right word is just: postpone. Until I'm ready, or when the whole universe is agree with me.

For now, I really enjoy doing what I love. And that way, I learn to tell myself that it's okay to take risk and be an idealist. I will forever cherish this moment everyday of my life.

P.S.

Not your fault if you're not going to read this until the end. It's okay. It's just too long and boring, I understand. I'm just screaming my heart out because I don't know what's the better way to feel better. But thank you for passing by. I hope you're passionate enough to live yours too :)