memories: do not open

I'm the type of person who loves keeping useless things. If you were ever in my room, you would probably have seen a few boxes pile up in the corner. Please don't misunderstand, I love cleaning, my room is (almost) never messy, but sometimes I just love things for the way it is. I love keeping those pretty bottles from Bath and Body Works, or pretty shoe boxes from Converse, or key chains, notebooks, papers...and many other useless things.

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When I was a kid, I remember my dad would ask me to help him clean the house regularly. He would also throw a few things away, things that we never used anymore: shoes, clothes, books, etc. He always asked, "is this yours? do you still want to use this?" if my answer is no, then he would pack that and throw it away. Well, if the unused things were still good enough, we would give them to charity.

There were actually moments when I still wanted to keep those useless things, just because I like them. One day, when we were cleaning, I asked my dad if I could still keep my broken hair clips. It was very pretty yet it's already broken. Then I remember he answered me, "but it's already broken, and you won't use it anymore, so for what?" after saying that he threw those hair clips into the trash bag. Well, I never ask him anymore since then.

When I started to grow up and have a bedroom on my own, I finally could taste freedom and privacy. I started to keep things I like, even when I don't use them anymore. First, it was only photos of me and my elementary school friends. Then I would keep Christmas letters, and then movie tickets, first name tags, exam papers, exam cards, and also graduation letters. Random things, useless things, all in one place.

When I was in high school, I decided to keep it a little tidier. I put those memorable things from elementary, junior high, and high school, in different boxes. During my freshmen year at the university, I got a new box to put all the things I never want to forget in my college days.

A few days ago, when I was cleaning up my room, those boxes were so dusty because I had almost never touched them anymore for years. There were about four boxes in various sizes. I looked at those boxes for quite a long time before I cleaned them up. Of course, I knew what it was, and because I knew it, I became a little bit emotional. I didn't even know if I was ready to open it, or if I'm still gonna remember it all.

I opened it one by one and took all those things out one by one while reminiscing all the days that happened back then. It was all in there. Literally. There was a letter from a guy in high school who liked me back then (I think I didn't like that guy back -- sorry), photos of my junior high school best friends, poems about my first love (and his photo in it -- yes it's kinda cute but disgusting in a way), I even kept a movie ticket from my first date, train tickets to Yogyakarta (my first traveling trip with my college friends), and also some restaurant bills (this one, I'm not sure why I keep this).

It felt very emotional to remember all those memories again. Shockingly, I was able to call the days just by looking at the things I kept.

Long story short, I decided to throw a few things away. Not because it's no longer precious to me, but for some reason, I think I already have peace with it in my heart. Somehow I think that my old self probably keeping all those things because she's not fully content with herself, or maybe hates someone and wanted to keep remembering the hatred. Things about her first love that she never wanted to forget. I threw it all away.

My 13-year-old self would probably be angry and ask, "why the hell did you throw it all away?" but when she grows up, she will understand. Because she is all a grown-up lady now. She deals with all those unhappy things a long time ago and no longer keeps it all inside. The boxes now have more rooms for good memories she wants to keep in the future. 

And she will never stop doing that. Keeping useless, but precious things in her storage boxes.